Wanting

Deaduramilade Tawak

 

“Wanting is a privilege.” That’s what she told her daughter when she asked for a doll set that she wanted. It wasn’t that Iya Simi didn’t want to give her the set or that she didn’t want her to have it—she wanted the girl to be happy. The problem was she didn’t have the money.

Iya Simi also wanted things. She wanted to buy the same kinds of lace that Iya Tope and Iya Fola bought all the time. She wanted someone to hold her at night. She wanted someone to touch her, to tell her that she was beautiful and that they loved her. She wanted to be driven around so she wouldn’t have to walk all day in the heat and humidity of Lagos.

But wanting was a privilege. One she couldn’t afford to give because she had none. To have wants or to give her daughter the illusion that she could want things would only cause more trouble than she could manage. It was more important to figure out what they needed and how to get them. But sometimes, it is difficult to differentiate what you want from what you need.

 

Deaduramilade Tawak is a reader, writer, critic, almost psychologist, and researcher. Her work has appeared in Brittle Paper, Kalahari Review, and Arts and Africa. She lives in Lagos, Nigeria, and tweets from @deaduramilade.